That Really Happened

"Sorry I'm not the person I could be."

What does that even mean?

-------------------------
What I should have said in response : "I'm sorry you like boys."

It's Official...

I am starting a book this week while I am on holiday. After the recent few month's "festivities" I have determined that it is high time to get rolling with it. So dear readers, Merry Christmas. I hope these stories will bring as much humor to your life as they have to mine.

Santa Baby

It's hard to believe Christmas is a mere week away. With everything else that's been going on, I haven't quite gotten into the "Christmas spirit" this year. Which I don't like one bit because I absolutely love Christmas. The other day I was watching TV and a Macys commercial came on focused on the "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" letter from 1897 that was written in response to an inquiry from eight-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon. When I read it, it gives me the warm feeling of peace, hope and love.

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?" Virginia O'Hanlon, 115 West Ninety-fifth street

"VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood."

Today

Today, my heart is hurting. And there's not anything I can do about it. Someone I care about is hurting. I think that part of being a grown up and caring about people means hurting when they hurt, laughing when life is funny and dancing when the music plays. And for today, it means hurting...hurting and sending love, prayers and thoughts their way. But right now, it doesn't seem like enough.

"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." Henry Ward Beecher

Am I Being Punked?

Sometimes I feel like I'm being punked. Like maybe the Missoula version of Ashton Kutcher is around somewhere playing pranks on me and this is all just a big joke. Generally, and specifically, things have been happening that I have to ask myself the following question: "Really?" Followed by: "Is this a real thing?" (For the record, it usually is a real thing.)

Luckily, I have learned to laugh at these things. It helps that I have awesome girlfriends who will laugh with me (I tip my hat to you girls!) And while I still sometimes want to fight people, I think giggling about it is probably the better way to go. And not to worry, I'm sure I'll still get a fight or two in when needed. Because I'm from Montana—and that's just how we roll.

SWF needs SM

I was driving back to Augusta tonight with my mom and aunt. We were just visiting away and I asked my mom when I could do something. Her reply was this: "When you get a husband." To which I replied, "Arg, why do I always have to have a husband for these things!?" To which she replied, "I don't want you to be an old maid." Then they asked if I had "tried online dating." And I said, "No." To which they replied, "Maybe you should."

Real cute ladies. Real cute. Except that it's not that cute because I think they were both serious. Yikes.

And I Thank You

Man, I'm lucky. And very blessed. Here's a short list of what I'm thankful for this year.

1. You!

And while I could stop there, that is definitely not all there is to be thankful for. I've got way more thankfuls up my sleeve!
ps-These are not in order...just randomly jumbled.

2. Life
3. Love
4. Kindness
5. Family—a distinctive blend of love, crazies and fun!
6. Laughing
6. My mom
8. Hugs—and I mean good hugs!
9. Good friends
10. Music
11. My job
12. Babyface action!
13. Being healthy
14. Living in Montana
15. My grandpa
16. Blue sky
17. Airplanes
18. Vacation time
19. Cable
20. Hot showers
21. Diet soda
22. Trips —this year's PA and IL visits!
23. New family members—Julia & Joshua
24. Old family members—Too many to name :)
25. Learning
26. Reconnecting
27. Mascara
28. My car
29. The church
30. Lip gloss
31. BFFs
32. New babies. And old babies. Really, just any babies.
33. Monday lunches
34. Flowers
35. Beauty shop
36. Lotion
37. Telephones
38. Blogs—they help me keep up with everyone!
39. The holidays
40. Ibuprofen

If I Were A Boy

Gotta get this out of my system. I love boys. But there are certain times when they have a real way of jacking things up. Sometimes I wonder how they can possibly do something and think it's okay or appropriate. Which is of course, just one of the many ways that men and women are different. Anyway, I'm a little thrown off kilter by a recent experience. And because of that am now listening to Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy."

Here are the lyrics. Pretty fitting.

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

(Chorus)

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

(Chorus)

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

Come Fly With Me

In an unrelated to the previous post note, I booked my ticket for St. John. And, needless to say, I am so excited! I can hardly wait to spend a week on the beautiful beaches with my BFF!

And yes, I'm flying Delta. ;)

Twinkle

Sometimes I have a desire to be real ballsy. Which I know is not a ladylike term to use, but I looked it up at www.thefreedictionary.com and it means "Very tough and courageous, often recklessly or presumptuously so." I don't know about you, but I think that definition is pretty awesome and captures the whole feeling of throwing your cares away and being brave. However, for the sake of "dignity" and because I'm a whole lot of talk and not very much action, I'm going to lock it up and keep my desires to myself. Or am I?

Work It Girl

So I was talking to one of my girlfriends about "Working It." Here's the condensed version: She likes a boy and is most likely going to see him this evening, not in a date-type situation but in a wine club group setting-type situation. So I, being the boy crazy girl that I am, told her to make sure that she "works it". Because she usually doesn't. Instead she runs away or gets too embarrassed and leaves the situation altogether. So, at her request (although I don't know how serious she was) she asked for some tips. Now, I'm a little bit of a flirt and from time to time (okay fine, a lot lately) I've really dedicated some time to the art of working it. And being the dear friend that I am, I sent her the following tips...

Tips from Tia
1. Smile.
2. Use eye contact.
3. If you do have eye contact, hold it for a couple of seconds. But not too long. Too long is just creepy. (It’s okay to look away and then look back again and smile.)
4. Act like you care what he is saying (even if all you are really doing is watching his lips move while he talks and thinking, "Dang, I want to kiss those.")
5. Casually touch his shoulder or arm when you’re telling a story or when he is telling you something.
6. Talk to him, but also act a little disinterested. Meaning work the room! Talk with him for a few minutes and then go on your merry way and talk with other people (all while being your charming self). Then work your way back over to him a little bit later.
7. Be a social butterfly.
8. Don’t be afraid to walk up to him and say hello. Just walk up and smile and say “Hi.”
9. Talk with his friends and include them in the conversation.
10. Give him the chance to make a move.

Feel free to use the above tips on the object of your affection. Best wishes and may you all work it successfully.

xoxo

ps-Be sure to keep reading the blog for tips on how to jack up relationships. I would wager to say I'm pretty skilled in that as well.

I'm It?!

A tag from Mrs. Julia Allen...

What I was doing 10 years ago:
1. I was 16—finally "legal" to date.
2. Cheerleading for Augusta Elks 6-man football team.
3. Fighting with my big sissy (love you!)
4. Preparing for the Junior Prom.
5. Spending every Sunday practicing for the Augusta Community Christmas Concert, compliments of my mama.

Things on my to-do list:
1. Put away my clothes! An ongoing battle.
2. Workout.
3. Send Galen's glasses.
4. Practice music for the show on Friday.
5. Wish my brother and Colter a happy 25 birthday on Wednesday!

Snacks that I enjoy:
1. Wheat Thins.
2. Diet soda.
3. Sour jolly rancher candies.
4. Chocolate chip cookies.
5. Popcorn with peanut M&Ms.

Things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Have our family reunion on a cruise!
2. Pay off my car. :)
3. Go on a sisters trip!
4. Design and build my dream house.
5. Invest in some solid music goals & equipment.

5 places I've lived:
1. Tuckahoe, New York
2. Rexburg, Idaho
3. Great Falls, Montana
4. Augusta, Montana
5. Missoula, Montana

Jobs I've had:
1. Store clerk (thanks mom!)
2. Babysitter/nanny
3. Newspaper editor
4. Waitress at the Buckhorn
5. PR practitioner

The Friendly Skies

I have a new found crush on pilots. I've decided that they are pretty cutesy and fabulous. Want more specifics? Too bad. Just know that I'm quite fond of them. So much that I think we should all take to the friendly skies. Just be sure to fly Delta. ;)

Dreaming

So, have you ever had one of those dreams where everything you dream seems so real and you wake up either real happy or real mad? I have. In fact, I had two of the last night. One I woke up (real happy) at 3 AM. The next one I woke up (real mad) around 8 AM. Apparently someone has been on my mind a lot lately because they were in BOTH of my dreams. The first dream he was here and things were good and he was charming and cute and precious and mainly, loving me. And I woke up thinking, "Yes!" Then realizing it was 3 AM, I returned to my happy slumber and dreamed even more.

However, the next time I woke up I was pretty mad. Apparently in the second installment of my dream, he was dating someone else. Someone who basically looked the complete opposite of me: a beautiful Latina. She was tiny and had beautiful dark sking and long, shiny hair. Needless to say, I woke up quite ready to give him the old jump shove (made famous by Kacey) and a verbal lashing. Luckily, for all of us, it was just a dream and the jump shove didn't need to be implemented. Here's hoping it won't have to be. ;)

Oh Hey Blue Eyes

Hello you. So, it's come to my attention that you may be here soon. And to put it quite simply: I can hardly wait. And while this is a little embarrasing to say, I'm just going to throw it out there. I'm smitten with you. And I have been for a few months now. I realize that may sound ridiculous, but it's true.

You see, I'm one of those "wear my heart on my sleeve" type of girls, and when it comes to you it's out there. And it's saying a few things. Things along the lines of I think you're adorable, sweet and funny. Not to mention I'm quite fond of your stellar dance moves, killer blue eyes and personality.

So, with that I say (as sweetly as possible of course): hurry up and get here.

PS-Just for the record, I'm not banking on a "you + me = us" type of turnout. Although I wouldn't mind it one bit. xoxo

Halloween: Work It

So this year, our work decided to have a "Halloween Costume Competition" where all the departments were pitted against one another. Because there's only two of us in PR, we combined with our lone media gal and became three. As we were thinking of famous "threes", we thought, "Who's hotter than The Jonas Brothers right now?" The answer: No one. Thus, we are The Jonas Brothers.

My Grandpa—Don Allen

I've been meaning to write about my grandpa, but I wanted to make sure that when I did I would have time to think about him and not just throw a quick post up. With that said...It's been two months since he passed away. And I miss him like crazy. Especially today. The first session of today's General Conference wrapped up with President Monson speaking about happiness, joy and love. His words brought my thoughts to grandpa.

There are things that I don't ever want to forget. Things he said, things he did, the way he loved and even his handwriting. My grandpa was known far and wide as a generous man and a kind man. No matter what, he would always make sure that if a belly needed to be fed, it went away full. And he would consistently leave people better than he found them. If there was one thing he was good at, it was loving. And if I had to name a second, it would be cooking and preparing meat that melted in your mouth.

He had many things that he would say—things I hope I will never forget. Here are a few favorites:
"Tia darlin'."
"Oh ya?!" (this was used after we were razzing him about something)
"Want to taste something good?"
"That's a pretty blouse." (he never called a top I was wearing a shirt or sweater, always a blouse)
"You want to know something, I sure love you." (he always wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to say this—often times on a stool behind the counter at the store, one of his favorite places to sit)

He also loved to tell blond jokes. And stories. He was probably one of the best story-tellers and joke tellers around. I have heard the same jokes for the past few years and every time I had to laugh and tell him that was a good one. And now that he's gone, playing around in heaven and telling jokes up there, I'm glad that I heard those jokes over and over and over because they remind me of him. And I'll be able to tell them to my kids and pass along a part of their great-grandpa to them.

My grandpa had a twinkle in his eyes—one that when he was playing a joke on you or telling you a story, would come alive and dance in his blue eyes. You could always tell if he was up to something by looking at those eyes and seeing them sparkle.

One of the things I am going to miss the most is not having grandpa at my wedding. And the fact that he is not going to meet the man I love enough to marry. That was one thing I always wanted. For my grandpa to meet my husband. I was always curious about how he would take to him and if he would deem him as a keeper enough to marry one of his granddaughters. And while now I will not have that, I'm sure that when it comes to that time in life, I will weigh whole-heartedly the type of man he is and make sure his a good one. One my grandpa would love.

Excuse Me, Officer

Alright most of you know that I live in downtown Missoula. Which is actually quite a lovely place, very convenient for life, work, activities, etc. However, the location that I live in also has a lot of crazies that pass by it on a regular basis. Which is usually fine, because most of them do not mean any harm. But sometimes I get a little weirded out. Take right now for example. I'm sitting at home on my couch and have my shades open a crack and I can hear a crazy lady talking to someone outside. Except that no one is there. She just said "Hurry, look at what they've done to us." Followed by, "Please please please don't let that happen to him. You're all going to die. Go on the bus quickly." And while I'm sure she is not harmful to anyone, at the same time it freaks me out. Especially when she starts yelling.

Too Bad

Seriously?

So there's something I need to get off my chest. It's about a boy and relationships (please, keep the shock to yourselves.) It's something I've been thinking about for a while, but that has recently been brought to my attention in full force.

Have you noticed how many people are "scared" of having a relationship or getting hurt? Well I have. And it's a lot.

And it seems to me that people are usually scared of something new because of an experience they have had in the past where they have been hurt, burned or had their heart stomped on. To which I say fair enough. However, I don't think it's fair to "punish" other people because you've been hurt in the past. (Now I'll switch to first person because let's face it—obviously this is something happening in my life right now and we might as well admit it than pretend like I'm talking about someone else.) First of all, I'm not the one who hurt you, so how about if you quit taking someone else's actions on me? I had nothing to do with it. Trust me, I know how if feels to have your heart hurt by someone (I've got a few battle scars.) But I'm not willing to let myself miss out on you and something that could be really great because I'm afraid to get hurt again. You think about that.

Today

A coworker sent this to me today. I love it.

"Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. Never regret anything that made you smile."

My Closet Threw Up

Right now it's raining in Missoula. I've got candles burning and Josh Groban singing. Which is pretty much the perfect way to end the day. A few random thoughts for the night...

1. Josh Groban is one of those artists that you cannot call by just his first name. You know how you can call Dierks Bentley just by "Dierks?" (yep, you can.) Well that kind of casual attitude is not going to fly for Mr. Groban. Just an FYI. Let's show a little respect here people.

2. I turned 26 last week. Kind of hard to believe that I am actually in my mid- to late-20s. Still not sure how this is all going to go down, but I think it's going to be a good year.

3. My closet has officially thrown up all over my aparment. I't actually quite ridiculous. (Want me to tell you a secret? It's been that way for a week!) My coat rack busted, probably due to the weight of all my stinkin' jackets, but instead of picking it up, I just thought I'd let it work itself out for the past few days. When it was apparent that no one was going to pick it up and sort this mess out, I had to do it myself. Story of my life these days.

4. The sentence, "You need to get a husband" was said to me several days ago. Oh by who, you may ask? My dad. He's real sweet. I was having some issues with the whole "lefty loosy, righty tighty" concept when it came to hooking up the hose. I worked at connecting the hose to the pump for a good five minutes before I had to sweetly yell to my dad to PLEASE come help me. Don't worry, he came out and turned it the correct way and it went on like a dream. Then he followed it up with the husband comment.

5. Flowers make me happy. My best friend sent me roses last week and they are still absolutely beautiful! Looking at them makes me smile. I have a pretty awesome BFF. :)

That's it for now. Hope your random thoughts are running wild on this perfect rainy Sunday. xoxo

A Many Splendid Thing

The last few days have brought a ton of emotions and feeling (more about that later) that have got me thinking. Love is an awesome thing. And the ability to love is a gift. And while loving can be a risk, it's worth it. Sure, it may not always turn out how you wanted and the likelihood of ending up with a bruise or fracture is probably high, in the end it's all worth it.

Because to love and to give love is really what it's all about.

Pathetic

Usually I'm pretty fine with being single. But there are a few instances when I feel a little pathetic. The main one is when I'm sick. I'm a pretty sad sick person who is not tough at all when it comes to not feeling good. When I'm under the weather, all I really want is to have someone beside me. And no one's here. And that sucks.

No Subject Really

Dear You,

I thought you may be wondering what I have been up to lately. (At least I hope you are...mainly for dignity's sake as I've been wondering what you've been up to. For starters, I've been a busy little missy. Over the past few months, I've visited friends in Chicago, kayaked and met new friends in Pittsburgh, been to Glacier TWICE!, attended the ever famous Augusta Rodeo, played and sang at two weddings, traveled to Utah for my cousin's wedding, saw Ani DiFranco in concert, went camping, got a nasty cold, played beauty shop and of course, spent several hours playing.

But enough of that. I've been thinking about you and hope you are well, safe and happy. As for me, just know that I am well. And safe. And yes, happy. I can hardly believe that August is almost here. For one, because it means summer is quickly leaving. And two, because it's almost my birthday...yikes. Even though you're not going to be here for my birthday, it's okay. I'm sure you're off doing whatever it is people like you do.

And as funny as it sounds, in some ways I'm glad the time is passing so quickly. Because that means I'm closer to seeing you. And I can hardly wait!

xoxo

Shhh

Thank you to a Sunday evening viewing of Titanic for the following...

"A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets."

How true is that? I know my heart is full of them (except that I tend to wear it on my sleeve, so things that I think are "secret" are probably not as secret as I like to think. But we'll just roll with that for now, mainly for dignity's sake.)

What's your secret?

I Heart Montana

Alright, I'm sure that you already know how much I love Montana (from the title of my blog and the fact that I am making my life here.)

But every once in a while, I am reminded of some of the reason's why I love Big Sky Country. I just spent the last few days up in Whitefish/Flathead Lake/Glacier Park working with a crew from Ireland. And, I would like to add, had the best time with them! Absolutely a delight to work with and I certainly hope our paths cross again in the future. As part of our time "up north" we did a variety of activities and worked with some fabulous people...here are some photos of the last several days...And a reminder of why I love Montana. And the Irish!

ps-There are cowboys in one of the shots--I've hit the jackpot!

Think About It...

Isn't it amazing how you can miss someone you hardly know?

Summer Lovin'

Alright, I don't have any particular summer lovin' of my own, but since it is the middle of summer, that title seemed appropriate. Plus, I'm real tired, so the "creative genius" that is my blog (ha ha) is not really running. Apparently it's off taking a nap somewhere. So instead, I'll just fill you in on the happenings of late in the world of Tia.

First off, things are good. Life is good and apparently there are people out there falling in love. How do I know? Well, I just hit up my third wedding of the season! Which, by the way, all of them were beautiful and lovely and I even had the honor of singing at two of them. :) Good times and congrats to all the beautiful couples!

Second, summer is half-way over and I feel like I'm not really sure when it even got here or how it is now the middle of July. But I have officially started a "Summer To Do List" of things I need to accomplish before Labor Day.

Third, for those of you who are curious about blue eyes, he is good. Although he is still not in my car (as he's off taking care of other business), he is still as cute as ever.

Third, my achilles' heel has been acting up again. Dang it.

Fourth, I get to spend a few days at the end of this week with some people from the Motherland and I'm pretty stoked about it. I just hope I can understand what they're saying...understanding Irish accents are not one of my strengths. (Just ask my sissy---she had to translate for me when we were visiting our family.)

And finally, I am getting tan. I've decided I look much better with a little color as opposed to the clear skin tone I usually have. You are all very welcome as you will no longer be blinded by my clear/albino tendencies.

Until next time---hugs and kisses.

I Heart Cowboys

Alright I'll say it. I love me some cowboys.

There's just something about them that gets me! I'm not sure if it's their sweet smiles, belt buckles, sparkly eyes or the touch of mystery associated with the cowboy way of life, but whatever it is, it's working. And it's coming straight for me and there's not a thing I can do about it. Keep it up cowboy, keep it up.

**Update** The Italian Stallion is Tamed!

So remember the story of the Italian Stallion and his Don Juan wannabe ways that nearly brought my sister and I to blows? (Click here to take a trip down Italian Stallion memory lane.) Anyway, big news! Word on the street is that he is officially engaged and is getting married this summer. This news has been confirmed by facebook. Woo Hoo! In all seriousness, congrats to our little Fonzarelli! May you be happy forever and ever!

Pittsburgh

I'm in love! No, not with a man! With kayaking. Today, I went on my first kayaking expedition in beautiful Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And get this, I paddled six miles. Six miles! This from the girl that used to hate sweating (I kind of like it now--I feel like it melts my fat away) and would get mad when people made her go on hikes two days in a row (the audacity of Paul and Patty!). To be honest, I'm not sure what it was...the calm of the water, the yellow bridges over the river or the skyscrapers against the lush green trees. But whatever it was, the combination has wooed me. And for now I will happily spend the rest of my evening thinking about my new crush and where our relationship will go from here. See you in my dreams kayak. See you in my dreams.

I Love All Kinds of Cake

Dear Readers,

I hope this finds you well. You’re probably wondering why you have the pleasure of reading so many entries in such a short span of days. Well it’s because I am on a plane from Missoula to Pittsburgh, my ipod is dead and I don’t feel like reading my book. Hence, plenty of time for writing and filling your minds with the useless ramblings of my mind.

Sometimes I have so many things going on in my head that it’s hard to keep track of them. Which is a good thing that I shouldn’t complain about because I’d rather have a lot going on up there than nothing at all. I always have these “brilliant” topics I want to write about and I’ll think of them intermittently throughout the day, but by the time I get around to writing, they have totally vanished from my mind. Which shouldn’t be that much of a surprise, considering that sometimes I forget where I park my car.

Anyway, believe it or not I have something to write about, although the previous two paragraphs may lead you to think that I don’t.

I was dropping Maitland off the other day to get fish-sat while I am out of town this week and was talking with my cousin-friend for a few minutes. Of course, the topic of boys/men came up. It always does (although I did not bring it up...this time.) Anyway, I was advised that while I shouldn’t be “less picky” I should consider being more accepting of boys/men. I didn’t know quite what to think about that. I wouldn’t say I’m “picky”, just merely “selective” in my choice of male companions. During our conversation, she also pointed out that I get annoyed with boys/men. I had to hand it to her there—she caught me like a fat kid with his fingers in the frosting of a chocolate cake. Now, I’ve always been an equal opportunity employer when it comes to members of the opposite sex (although theoretically I prefer the ones that are nice, funny, smart, enjoy dancing and are not-slutty, though this theory has been called in to question a time or two. Or seven.) but I do have a tendency to get bothered by some of the things they do (just mainly when they are mean or stupid.) I’m not sure if this is because I am more “selective” than the average female of it’s a defense mechanism to keep them from getting too close. It may be a combination of the two.

And while I don’t think my “selective” tendencies will go away soon, it did give me food for thought. What kind of thoughts, I don’t know yet. It made new a few more minutes.

Until then, bon appetite!

Tia...the Author?

So big news. I’m writing a book. No, I have not started it yet. But I will. I’ve been talking about this for a while, but the time to actually do it has come. Now I’m not saying it’s going to be brilliant or a best seller or anything like that so don’t get to excited, but I do hope it will be entertaining. Mainly because life is funny.

My thinking behind this announcement—even though it is only to my blog readers and not in the form of a formal press conference—is that it will encourage me to get my booty in gear and get moving.

So until the book comes, keep reading the blog. And one day maybe you can say, “I knew that Tia girl back in the day when she wrote blog entries for a small online readership. And look at her now, she’s sold 14 books.”

Happy Reading!

Go To The Mattresses

You know how life gets a little busy, a little sad, a little happy, a little fun and a little full? It seem like it’s a combination of those things day in and day out. And while all this is great, wanna know what makes it even better? The “Go To’s.” You know, the people in life that you “go to” when something is happenings.

I’ve gotta tell you, my GT’s are probably some of the best known to man. They seriously rock it. Whether it’s a professional frustration, a personal drama, a love life complication, good news or someone to just kick it with, I’ve got some phenomenal ones.

A lot of my GT’s are in the form of my family---basically because they are the best. Sometimes it’s my mom, sometimes it’s my sister (big or little) and sometimes it’s one of my cousin-friends. (Love you guys!) I look at the family that I have and think “Man I’m lucky.” Sure, we’ve got our crazies and situations, but who doesn’t? That’s what makes family family.

I also have some great GT friends. Some are from my growing up days (which technically I’m still in those days-not sure if they’ll ever come to a close), some are from my college years and some are from my last few years working a grown-up job. I’ve only known my Missoula GTs/BFF’s for about a year, but it’s weird to imagine not having them in my life before now.

Another one of my GT’s is music. When I’m feeling blah about things I call on The Clinton’s and their song “Dance Slow.” (Check them out at clintonsband.com.) I love that song. It reminds me that life is good, love is real and music brings it all together.

To all of my Go To’s, you rock. Thanks for being you. For all of those with GT’s in your life, you’re lucky. For those that need GT’s, I hope you find them. And if you’re ever in need of a good bossing, I’m definitely your GT.

xoxo

Things you may not know

1. I love peanut butter and chocolate chips.
2. I don't like big dogs.
3. I am petrified of bats.
4. Sometimes it feels like all I ever do is get ready.
5. Some days I wish I could be a trophy wife. Until I realize I'm missing the trophy part and the wife part.
6. I love black and white.
7. I love babies.
8. I'm really nice.
9. I believe you have to laugh because come on, life is funny.
10. I have a crush on North Carolina.
11. I have gotten my heart bruised. Not broken, just bruised.
12. I love kissing.
13. I cannot dive.
14. I love weddings.
15. Nothing brightens a bad day like a good friend, a diet soda and dessert.
16. When I laugh really hard, I kind of look like a horse. That's why it's called "The Horse Laugh."
17. I love people.
18. I love my family.
19. I act tougher than I really am.
20. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing.
21. I believe in the power of the human touch.
22. The eyes really seal the deal for me.
23. Some days you gotta dance.
24. I like performing. Apparently I didn't get enough attention growing up.
25. Gerber Daisy's make me happy. 

Sing it sister

I got the blues. The Sunday night blues. You know the ones. They come pretty much every Sunday night when you're sitting at home thinking of the coming week. And sure, while you're excited for what the new week brings you also think to yourself, "Seriously-it's already Sunday night?! Where did the weekend go?" I'll tell you where it went. Away. Just like it does every time. It seems like the time between Friday evening and Sunday evening goes faster than any other two days known to man. And when the evening hits, it drags on. And on. And on. Maybe it's because I'm sitting here alone, typing away on my computer, the only sound the humming of my space heater. Sure I know it's June and maybe the heater doesn't need to be on, but it's also Sunday night. And every Sunday night my heater comes on and provides a harmony to my thoughts and the clicking of the keyboard. Anyway, I better hit it before the Sunday night blues turn into the way too early Monday morning mayhem. Goodnight heater. And hugs and kisses to the rest of you.

Get Out of My Dreams...

...and into my car. No seriously, get into my car. Fine, I guess you can't. Probably because you're not here. You're off doing your job somewhere. But I do have a sneaky suspicion that if you were here you would indeed get into my car. And I would happily welcome it.

Probably because I keep thinking about you. Sad I know, but I have a hard time pushing you completely out of my mind. You see, when it comes down to it, I don't want to push you all the way out. I want part of you to stay. Mainly the part of you that makes me laugh. And the part of you that danced with me for hours. And your sparkling blue eyes—they can stay too. I really liked those. And while we're at it, let's keep the sweet part of you too. The part that walks me to my car, likes chick flicks and makes me feel beautiful.

So until we meet again, I think I'll just keep those parts of you right here with me where they are perfect and safe. But rest assured that when I do see you, I will indeed make you get into my car.

Homeless Bum

So as many of you know I live in beautiful Missoula, Montana. It's a pretty fantastic place to live as it has a nice mix of families, vibrant college students, professionals, writers and on and on and on. However, is also has a plethora of bums (aka homeless people/transients.) I have the opportunity to interact with these travelers on a daily basis. First of all because I live downtown, conveniently enough right across the street from "The Pov" (a temporary residence for the homeless) and I'm only a block away from the railroad tracks, their main mode of transportation into our fine city. Not don't get me wrong, I have no problem with the homeless-to each their own.

However, right now I am sitting at The Break, a popular coffee spot where I like to come and do some writing after I am no longer able to concentrate elsewhere. And on this fine Thursday afternoon, many other Missoulians decided to come and spend some time at The Break as well. So lucky me, there are no other tables available except for the one with the homeless man sleeping at it. Apparently my new friend is very tired. He keeps dozing off and then jerking himself awake as his elbow falls off the table. While it is a little rude of me that I sat down at a table with him without asking, he is asleep so I figured he wouldn't mind.

Uh-oh, he just woke up. Lucky, he seemed to not notice that I was sitting here. Instead he stood up, pulled up his sagging sweatpants and just wandered away from our shared table. With any luck, he'll be back to join me. If not, I'll try to find another soul to join me at this table.

Four minutes later...He's back. He filled up his coffee cup and rejoined me. We still aren't speaking...apparently we both like playing hard to get.

My Yellow High Heels

Oh hey. So I played my first "show" last weekend here in Missoula. I was able to play about a two hour set out at Lake Missoula Cellars and had a fabulous time doing it. Lots of my office "crew" came and listened, drank wine and (hopefully) enjoyed everything. Have I told you all how much I enjoy performing? I really do! Although I think I come by it naturally and apparently have felt a need to be the center of attention from a young age (just ask my mom, she'll show you the home videos.) When I get up on stage, I don't feel nervous. I'm not sure if I am naturally comfortable it or if I just think I'm sooo funny that I have no worries. Whatever it is—it seems to be working. Anyway, looking forward to playing more tunes.

*ps: I wore real cute sassy yellow high heels. I think they did the trick!

Get on the boat

Do you ever do something and then want to kick yourself for it? Then you think "Okay the next time that happens I'm not going to do that." And then you have another opportunity and do the wrong thing again...In the end you think "Well that's just great. Way to screw that one up too."

Sometimes I do. :) Mainly when it comes to boys. (I know what you're thinking. "Of course--I know Tia and she does have a knack for ruining relationships.") Anyway, I have a situation in my life that I have managed to mess up a couple of times. And just to clarify, I know that at least one of the times it wasn't all me. But I should probably take blame for the other ruined times. Anyway, this is a person I could love. Probably really and truly. But when it comes to spending time with him, I get all nervous about having "date" time. When it's just "friend" time I honestly can't get enough of it.

I think my mind may have an allergic reaction to the word "date" and triggers me acting like I'm either not interested, a little awkward or at times, even a little bratty. But not all the time. Just with guys that I know I could have real potential with and maybe fall for. Well that last time I was in this situation with my friend (a while ago and no, I will not provide dates or names) I did it again. I got all psyched out. We spent the whole day together and then he came over and visited at my house for a little bit. Then it was time for him to leave and I said goodbye. And I was sad to see him go. Of course, I didn't tell him that. Mainly because that would have been a good thing to say to a boy I like. But to go along with my track record of ruining things, I couldn't tell him.

Next thing I knew he had a girlfriend. And once again, I had missed the boat. In fact, I was still standing on the shore trying to get my life jacket on--that's how much I missed it by.

But never fear. He recently got back off the boat. I don't know why and I don't know how long he will be back on shore. But I'm hoping that this time, I'll be ready to go when he leaves the dock.

Text Message Misery

I woke up this morning to a text message. I thought it was probably going to be from one of my girlfriends or my brother or something, but to my surprise, it was from my ex-boyfriend. And it said three little words. I miss you. Normally, those three little words give you a warm feeling.

But for me on this morning, those three little “I miss you” words didn’t do that. Instead they gave me the lovely “what the crap” feeling. You see, bomb squad and I broke up about 11 months ago and sure, while I missed him in the beginning, I now feel good about it and learned some good lessons from that relationship. And while it’s not out of the ordinary for us to talk from time to time, I was still not expecting the “I miss you” verbiage this morning.

So I did what any normal person would do. I called him. (In case you haven’t figured it out—I’m real bad at letting things go.) After a few minutes of chitchat, I asked him if he wanted to explain himself. He asked what I meant. And I reminded him of the late-night text message. Apparently he was having a case of the feel-bad blues that came in the form of missing me. And while I don’t blame him for missing me (☺), it’s one of those things that is hard to hear and good to hear at the same time. I think everyone wants to be missed and loved, but at the same time, it’s difficult to hear that kind of crap, especially from someone who you care about, but that you would never go back to.

But, it’s not a total loss. Those three little words from him serve as hope to me that someday, I will find my very own man to love and miss when I'm away from. And even though I know bomb squad is not my guy, I still know my own special Mr. Tia is out there somewhere. And I can't wait to find him.

Black Eyes: The Encore

So guess what. I saw black eyes again. No, not on a date—I'm not that desperate! Here's how it went down: A couple of weeks ago I had two journalists in town for work. When we have people in town we typically take them to a popular restaurant on the banks of the Clark Fork River. So anyway, I knew black eyes worked there, but there wasn't anything I could really do about it. I went ahead and made the reservations and didn't give it much thought after that. Then, the day we were going to have dinner I thought to myself, "Maybe I should call and request to not sit in black eyes section." That thought was shortly followed by, "No, what are the chances of him working tonight and having him be our waiter." Well, apparently the chances were incredibly high because at 5:20 PM (my reservations weren't until 6 PM) I got a text from black eyes that said "Your table is ready." Talk about Creepy McCreeperson.

Anyway, we go to the restaurant and are seated and of course black eyes walks over and is socially awkward and wanting to visit. And since I had people with me, I was polite and nice, but really not overly friendly. So after making it through an otherwise pleasant meal (minus his loitering and lingering looks) we left. A few days later, I got a call from black eyes—which I again did not answer—letting me know he was free tonight if I wanted to "come over." Ew. No black eyes, I don't want to come over. Below is what I really want to say...

"Dear black eyes,

First of all, if I liked you, I would call you back. I would not ignore your phone calls for several weeks. Second, I would not have a look of dismay in my eyes when I see you at your place of employment. And finally, I would not shoo you away as soon as possible from my table. I'm sure you are a nice person and although I commend your persistence, I've had just about all of your creepiness I can handle. Please go find someone else to harass and kindly leave me alone.

Many thanks and all the best in your future ventures."

Hopefully he'll get it sooner than later. This little missy is tired of being creeped on.

*If any of you are into creepers, please let me know and I will happily pass along black eyes contact information to you. Hugs and kisses. Tia

Stupid Love Songs

Right now, I'm sitting in my darkened apartment listening to love songs. Probably not the best thing for a single 25-year-old to be doing on a Sunday evening, but it's what I'm doing, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Now listen though, I enjoy love songs, especially the simple ones with beautiful melodies and light instrumental accompaniment.

But on this cool March evening, they are making me sad. Which I know could be solved by shutting them off. But I can't. Not tonight.

Every once in a while I get in one of those moods when I get a little bit sad and feel like I may cry. Tonight I'm having one of them. While I have not cried, I am feeling a little down. Here's why: I'm tired (but who isn't). I'm getting sick (and I'm not a good sick person. In fact, I'm a huge baby when I don't feel good.) And my friend just left. (He was here for a few days visiting/skiing, although the main purpose of his trip was to ski the beautiful Rocky Mountain snow of Montana, I was able to spend the last few days with him, which I thoroughly enjoyed. He even put up with my very mediocre snowboarding, full of lots of crashes and me wiping out the cones a few times when exiting the lift.) You know when you are with someone for a few days and you have fun and enjoy being around them and then it comes time for them to leave and you get a little sad?

Those are what I like to call the friend-missing blues. And right now I'm singing them. But I don't think it's just that I miss him, but having him here and having him leave is a reminder of some of my other good friends I miss.

My best friend is 1,500 miles away (or 22 driving hours - I just mapquested it), my big sister lives on the east coast, and two of my best cousinfriends live a couple hours away, which in my opinion, is too far. And to top it all off, the man of my dreams is off playing around somewhere and keeping me waiting yet another day. (Which by the way mister, I have had just about enough of.)

But I guess it's weekends like the one I just had that help me realize the people I love and value in my life. I'm seriously blessed when it comes to friends and family. I have a handful of true, solid friends that I love. And even though I don't get to see them as often as I would like, it's all good.

Anyway, now that I've got that off my chest, I think I'll go to bed. And if I'm lucky, maybe I'll dream about a love song that doesn't piss me off.

XOXO Tia

Happy Valentine's Day

On this day of love, it seems appropriate to wish you each a Happy Valentine’s Day. So here goes, "Happy Friggin Valentine's Day." There you go-hope that made your day.

Anyway, since it is the day of St. Valentine and whatever the crap his deal was, let’s talk about love. To be honest, I love love. I really do. And I think love is everywhere. But because it’s Valentine’s Day, I can’t talk about regular love, I have to talk about being “in” love. And I’m going to be honest about my feeling on this. I love the idea of being in love. Have I found it? No. Have I dabbled in it? Not so much. Has it slapped me across the face? I wish.

But I think it's important to note that even though my time of being “in love” is not quite here, I believe in it. In fact, I am certain it is out there. (Between you and I, I’ve already picked out the guy-I just haven’t found the best way to let him know he gets to love me forever yet.) And while I may not be exactly ready when he decides to love me too, I’m excited for it.

The idea of finding someone to spend my life with and laugh with and cuddle with and have babies with is awesome. It’s probably one of the best ideas ever. And while other people have found it and are having their cuddles and their babies and whatnot, I’m still here. Living the single life, playing around and going on dates with guys who have two black eyes. But in the end, it’s all worth it. I will have paid my dues, kissed my frogs and end up with my very own version of Prince Charming. I just wish he’s hop a plane out here already.

My Open Mic Night

So, as many of you sweeties know, I like to sing. And play guitar. And write girly love songs. In order to express and utilize these likes, sometimes I play open mic night at the always charming Sean Kelly's in Missoula. I hadn't gone for a few weeks and had some new songs I wanted to try out, ie perform, so I signed up and went last night. I did my little set and was sitting down listening to some fellow musicians perform. The first guy that got up after me was a musician I like to call "Mafia Man." And while I only bring one guitar with me to open mic, he brought two. That's right...TWO. And about four harmonicas. Now I don't know how one person can play two guitars and four harmonicas in the space of 20 minutes, but MM sure did. And he was good. There was a tad bit of a creeper in him, but I attribute that to the witness protection program he is currently a part of. But because he said he would record some of my songs, I'm going to let it slide. But I'm not that stupid—I plan on taking my own "people" with me when I do record some songs, just to be on the safe side.

After Mafia Man was done playing, up came two of the whitest jokers I've ever seen. To clearly solidify just how white they were, they both had red hair and I think it's safe to say their skin was even clearer than mine. If that's not creepy, I don't know what is. So these two white munchkins get on the stage (For visual effects please picture one wearing a camo hat with "IDAHO" written across the front in orange letters and matching orange-soled sneakers. Oh ya and picture them both in sunglasses that are cool when you are 12. Got it? Okay we can move on...) and are messing with their guitars. Pretty soon they start playing and the lead singer (AKA skinny arms man) opens his mouth and out comes this gravely, reggae type voice singing some sweet little tune. The next thing I know they switch from reggae inspired to bluegrass. It was during those moments that I developed a mini-crush on skinny arms man. To avoid falling deeper into crush-mode with SAM, I left.

And though I may never talk Skinny Arms Man or Orange Idaho Lover again, I'm sure I'll see them again. Even if it's only in my dreams.

Black Eyes

So I had a date last night. He came to pick me up with two black eyes. That's right, I said TWO black eyes. And a broken nose. First of all, who gets two black eyes at once?! Well according to my source, people who get the crap kicked out of them the weekend before. Of course, the relaying of this story (along with the felt cabin and tree printed shirt he was wearing) creeped me out. Yikes. Anyway, this guy assured me he is a "lover not a fighter," to which I clearly told him I am a "fighter."

The date itself was fine, but to be honest, as a nice girl that doesn't get jumped by randos while out and about on the town, I don't think I'll be going out with him again. If he asks, I think I'll punch myself in the face, give myself two black eyes and have a great excuse not to go.

Where is the follow-through?

You may (or may not) have noticed that I have not posted anything for a long time. And to be honest, I don't really have any good excuse. Apparently, I'm lame.

Last month I came up with a whole list of topics I wanted to write about. Good ones too...well at least in my mind they are good. But did I write about any of them? Nope. "Why?" you ask. Well I don't know. The only thing I can say is that there was very poor follow-through on my part. I'm a bum.

Anyway, to be honest, I'm disappointed in myself. Heck, I've even go so far as to say I've had it with me. So my dear ones, I'm going to get crackalacking on my writing. Expect to see opinionated and embarassing stories coming your way soon.

xoxo Your favorite slacker