Get on the boat

Do you ever do something and then want to kick yourself for it? Then you think "Okay the next time that happens I'm not going to do that." And then you have another opportunity and do the wrong thing again...In the end you think "Well that's just great. Way to screw that one up too."

Sometimes I do. :) Mainly when it comes to boys. (I know what you're thinking. "Of course--I know Tia and she does have a knack for ruining relationships.") Anyway, I have a situation in my life that I have managed to mess up a couple of times. And just to clarify, I know that at least one of the times it wasn't all me. But I should probably take blame for the other ruined times. Anyway, this is a person I could love. Probably really and truly. But when it comes to spending time with him, I get all nervous about having "date" time. When it's just "friend" time I honestly can't get enough of it.

I think my mind may have an allergic reaction to the word "date" and triggers me acting like I'm either not interested, a little awkward or at times, even a little bratty. But not all the time. Just with guys that I know I could have real potential with and maybe fall for. Well that last time I was in this situation with my friend (a while ago and no, I will not provide dates or names) I did it again. I got all psyched out. We spent the whole day together and then he came over and visited at my house for a little bit. Then it was time for him to leave and I said goodbye. And I was sad to see him go. Of course, I didn't tell him that. Mainly because that would have been a good thing to say to a boy I like. But to go along with my track record of ruining things, I couldn't tell him.

Next thing I knew he had a girlfriend. And once again, I had missed the boat. In fact, I was still standing on the shore trying to get my life jacket on--that's how much I missed it by.

But never fear. He recently got back off the boat. I don't know why and I don't know how long he will be back on shore. But I'm hoping that this time, I'll be ready to go when he leaves the dock.