Get on the boat

Do you ever do something and then want to kick yourself for it? Then you think "Okay the next time that happens I'm not going to do that." And then you have another opportunity and do the wrong thing again...In the end you think "Well that's just great. Way to screw that one up too."

Sometimes I do. :) Mainly when it comes to boys. (I know what you're thinking. "Of course--I know Tia and she does have a knack for ruining relationships.") Anyway, I have a situation in my life that I have managed to mess up a couple of times. And just to clarify, I know that at least one of the times it wasn't all me. But I should probably take blame for the other ruined times. Anyway, this is a person I could love. Probably really and truly. But when it comes to spending time with him, I get all nervous about having "date" time. When it's just "friend" time I honestly can't get enough of it.

I think my mind may have an allergic reaction to the word "date" and triggers me acting like I'm either not interested, a little awkward or at times, even a little bratty. But not all the time. Just with guys that I know I could have real potential with and maybe fall for. Well that last time I was in this situation with my friend (a while ago and no, I will not provide dates or names) I did it again. I got all psyched out. We spent the whole day together and then he came over and visited at my house for a little bit. Then it was time for him to leave and I said goodbye. And I was sad to see him go. Of course, I didn't tell him that. Mainly because that would have been a good thing to say to a boy I like. But to go along with my track record of ruining things, I couldn't tell him.

Next thing I knew he had a girlfriend. And once again, I had missed the boat. In fact, I was still standing on the shore trying to get my life jacket on--that's how much I missed it by.

But never fear. He recently got back off the boat. I don't know why and I don't know how long he will be back on shore. But I'm hoping that this time, I'll be ready to go when he leaves the dock.

Text Message Misery

I woke up this morning to a text message. I thought it was probably going to be from one of my girlfriends or my brother or something, but to my surprise, it was from my ex-boyfriend. And it said three little words. I miss you. Normally, those three little words give you a warm feeling.

But for me on this morning, those three little “I miss you” words didn’t do that. Instead they gave me the lovely “what the crap” feeling. You see, bomb squad and I broke up about 11 months ago and sure, while I missed him in the beginning, I now feel good about it and learned some good lessons from that relationship. And while it’s not out of the ordinary for us to talk from time to time, I was still not expecting the “I miss you” verbiage this morning.

So I did what any normal person would do. I called him. (In case you haven’t figured it out—I’m real bad at letting things go.) After a few minutes of chitchat, I asked him if he wanted to explain himself. He asked what I meant. And I reminded him of the late-night text message. Apparently he was having a case of the feel-bad blues that came in the form of missing me. And while I don’t blame him for missing me (☺), it’s one of those things that is hard to hear and good to hear at the same time. I think everyone wants to be missed and loved, but at the same time, it’s difficult to hear that kind of crap, especially from someone who you care about, but that you would never go back to.

But, it’s not a total loss. Those three little words from him serve as hope to me that someday, I will find my very own man to love and miss when I'm away from. And even though I know bomb squad is not my guy, I still know my own special Mr. Tia is out there somewhere. And I can't wait to find him.

Black Eyes: The Encore

So guess what. I saw black eyes again. No, not on a date—I'm not that desperate! Here's how it went down: A couple of weeks ago I had two journalists in town for work. When we have people in town we typically take them to a popular restaurant on the banks of the Clark Fork River. So anyway, I knew black eyes worked there, but there wasn't anything I could really do about it. I went ahead and made the reservations and didn't give it much thought after that. Then, the day we were going to have dinner I thought to myself, "Maybe I should call and request to not sit in black eyes section." That thought was shortly followed by, "No, what are the chances of him working tonight and having him be our waiter." Well, apparently the chances were incredibly high because at 5:20 PM (my reservations weren't until 6 PM) I got a text from black eyes that said "Your table is ready." Talk about Creepy McCreeperson.

Anyway, we go to the restaurant and are seated and of course black eyes walks over and is socially awkward and wanting to visit. And since I had people with me, I was polite and nice, but really not overly friendly. So after making it through an otherwise pleasant meal (minus his loitering and lingering looks) we left. A few days later, I got a call from black eyes—which I again did not answer—letting me know he was free tonight if I wanted to "come over." Ew. No black eyes, I don't want to come over. Below is what I really want to say...

"Dear black eyes,

First of all, if I liked you, I would call you back. I would not ignore your phone calls for several weeks. Second, I would not have a look of dismay in my eyes when I see you at your place of employment. And finally, I would not shoo you away as soon as possible from my table. I'm sure you are a nice person and although I commend your persistence, I've had just about all of your creepiness I can handle. Please go find someone else to harass and kindly leave me alone.

Many thanks and all the best in your future ventures."

Hopefully he'll get it sooner than later. This little missy is tired of being creeped on.

*If any of you are into creepers, please let me know and I will happily pass along black eyes contact information to you. Hugs and kisses. Tia

Stupid Love Songs

Right now, I'm sitting in my darkened apartment listening to love songs. Probably not the best thing for a single 25-year-old to be doing on a Sunday evening, but it's what I'm doing, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Now listen though, I enjoy love songs, especially the simple ones with beautiful melodies and light instrumental accompaniment.

But on this cool March evening, they are making me sad. Which I know could be solved by shutting them off. But I can't. Not tonight.

Every once in a while I get in one of those moods when I get a little bit sad and feel like I may cry. Tonight I'm having one of them. While I have not cried, I am feeling a little down. Here's why: I'm tired (but who isn't). I'm getting sick (and I'm not a good sick person. In fact, I'm a huge baby when I don't feel good.) And my friend just left. (He was here for a few days visiting/skiing, although the main purpose of his trip was to ski the beautiful Rocky Mountain snow of Montana, I was able to spend the last few days with him, which I thoroughly enjoyed. He even put up with my very mediocre snowboarding, full of lots of crashes and me wiping out the cones a few times when exiting the lift.) You know when you are with someone for a few days and you have fun and enjoy being around them and then it comes time for them to leave and you get a little sad?

Those are what I like to call the friend-missing blues. And right now I'm singing them. But I don't think it's just that I miss him, but having him here and having him leave is a reminder of some of my other good friends I miss.

My best friend is 1,500 miles away (or 22 driving hours - I just mapquested it), my big sister lives on the east coast, and two of my best cousinfriends live a couple hours away, which in my opinion, is too far. And to top it all off, the man of my dreams is off playing around somewhere and keeping me waiting yet another day. (Which by the way mister, I have had just about enough of.)

But I guess it's weekends like the one I just had that help me realize the people I love and value in my life. I'm seriously blessed when it comes to friends and family. I have a handful of true, solid friends that I love. And even though I don't get to see them as often as I would like, it's all good.

Anyway, now that I've got that off my chest, I think I'll go to bed. And if I'm lucky, maybe I'll dream about a love song that doesn't piss me off.

XOXO Tia